I'm a Hypocrite

I wish I could go home.
I wish I could wake up with my cat next to me.
I wish I could read The Cuckoo's Calling.
I wish I could read Sherlock Holmes.
I wish I could read Lord of the Rings.
I wish I could finish rereading The Fault in Our Stars.
I wish I could eat gelato in Riomaggiorre.
I wish I could move to England.
I wish I could finish writing a book.
I wish I could talk to Payton every day for the rest of my life.
I wish I could have a MacBook.
I wish I could see The Fault in Our Stars movie.
I wish I could lay in bed for the rest of my life.
I wish I could play Skyrim.
I wish I could stop feeling this way about Noah.
I wish I could forget our brief infinity.

But at the same time:
I don't want to ever forget.
I don't want this feeling to go away.
I want one more day with him--just the two of us, happy and in love forever.
I don't want to play Skyrim.
I don't want to lay in bed.
I want to climb the Schilthorn again and constantly be doing something productive with my life.
I don't want to see The Fault in Our Stars movie.
I want to live in an infinity of constantly rereading and wondering what the film would be like.
I don't want a MacBook.
I want to donate my money to the poor.
I don't want to live with Payton forever.
I want to move on with my life.
I don't want to finish writing a book.
I don't want to move to England.
I don't want gelato from Riomaggiorre.
I want to live a simple and easy life.
I don't want to finish rereading The Fault in Our Stars.
I don't want to read Lord of the Rings.
I don't want to read Sherlock Holmes.
I don't want to read The Cuckoo's Calling.
I want it all to remain a mystery forever.
I don't want to wake up with my cat.
I want to never have to say goodbye to him again.
I don't want to go home.
I want to spend the rest of my days anywhere but home.

And that's me. That's who I am right now.